So tonight I went out with my BFF, Julie, to get groceries. I know, what a fun ladies night out. But it really was! It's been over 3 weeks since we've done anything and it was high time. Anyway, on the way home we were talking about kids and family and it got me thinking. I'm always amazed at how people look at me when I say we're done with one child. It's almost like they think I'm a little crazy. Maybe I am, but I also know that I truly am done with one. Before Casey came along, I wanted a child of my own so badly, and when I finally gave that dream up to God, He blessed us with our true-love-child. I love being her mother and I can honestly say that I've never felt that urge to have another. Even when I found out I was pregnant 2 years ago, I was like, "ok, whatever, God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I can do this". Then I miscarried, and honestly, since then I have not had the desire for another child. I didn't really have the desire before it either.
A friend asked me what it feels like, to know that I don't want more children. I just said that it's the opposite of feeling like you want more. I can't explain it any better than that. Since Casey, I've never felt that ache for another. I've never looked at a tiny newborn and wished it was mine. I even have a hard time holding new babies - like I'm unsure of what to do - which is nuts because I've had one of my own! When people think I'm crazy for only having one, I wish they knew how crazy I think they are for having more than one! For some reason, the difference seems to be that I don't tell them I think they're nuts. There's nothing wrong with me. It's how God wired me.
I feel so blessed to be a mother. I wouldn't want it any other way. I thank God every day for the miracle that is Casey!