Getting ready for a trip is always a "trip" at our house. I seem to always wait until the last minute to try and get everything done. I like to clean up the house a bit, so that we don't come home to a pig-sty, but I usually end up running around like a chicken without a head for the last couple of hours. It's sad, really. I keep hoping that someday I will be a better housekeeper, organizer, etc...
Today I got a package I've been looking forward to, it's my "Spring Clean, Year 'Round" kit! I was reading about it and decided that I needed to try something to get me going in the right direction. I'll let you know how this works out. Check out the site, it's really an interesting product!
The fog that is my life continues. I've realized that though I easily opened up and shared with my friends back home, I don't do the same here. I've become very good at surfacy stuff. I've got a mask on that could fool just about anyone, and it has. I remember the first year we were here, I tried, somewhat, to share me - especially at mops. But it didn't work. I don't know what I was expecting, but people really don't care when they don't know you. I don't blame them. I had never been in the situation where I was the new person - it was always someone else - or I had someone in the group that I already knew. Not so here. I really didn't hold much back that first 6 months to a year, but after that I started closing up shop. And that's where I find myself today - superficial, fake, pretender - everything I despise in others. Ironic.
One exception to this is Julie. I'm slowly learning to just be me with her and to be real. And honestly, I have not a clue where I would be without her! And I wish we'd have started hanging out that first year. Oh well, God totally knew that I wasn't picking a chiropractor by chance. I believe that He guides us when we let Him - all He asks is that we follow. So I will continue my search for that closeness with Him, and I will try to be more open and honest about me. Here's to being vulnerable...
1 comment:
Oh faith... i wish i could sit and chat with you and share etc.!!! I feel your pain anguish. and its not "fun" to be at such a place in your life. I cant stand myself when i find myself being fake or a pretender etc. i wish you lived close! i just lOVE love that i found you again. i have such fond memories of our letters we used to write to each other. i still have a book you sent to me. "hinds feet on high places" YOu are one of those people that were so instrumental in my life staying on track with GOD even at a young age! I want to say THANK YOU!! There have been times over the past few years YOU came to my mind and I would wonder how you are doing etc...and I would pray for you. Isnt God just so amazing...I read in the book Experiencing God, -God knows my need and He can and will make that need known to someone. maybe even someone who doesnt know me. Thats who we serve, my friend!! I am so excited to have connected with you again. feel like i found a long lost friend. You have a beautiful young daughter. REading your posts let me see a bit into your heart again.
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